Today marks world mental health day! I know I am posting this really late on today, but I a have a good reason. All of today I have felt I have had a couple of options;
- Do a post unrelated to mental health
- Write a post about my mental health.
I was going to go for the latter, and then I made the decision to do a mixture of both. Today I was sitting in the car with my family listening to BBC radio 2, and the topic of the day was; people who have helped you when you have been at your lowest point, and that gave me the inspiration for todays post.
I have never said this on this blog, or anywhere online before, but anyone who knows me in real life knows that, I suffer from Anxiety, and this is something I have struggled with for a long time, and this year was the first time I sought out professional help, and I now take medication.
With my anxiety I have always been worried about turning to people who mean the most to me because I have been afraid they won’t understand, or they will not know how to help. This was particularly bad over the last couple of months when I did not want to be around my family due to fear that they would not understand, so I began to isolate myself from my family, and self sabotaged relationships with other people in my life, because I was afraid they would see how bad things had become, which now I see was the worst thing I could of possible ever done.
However when I arrived home, I realise how important my family are in me coping with my anxiety. When I arrived home I hid so much from my family. I would lie when I was telling them how I felt. I would say things like; Im fine. I would go out for hours, not tell my parents where I was going, I would do anything in order to avoid talking about my emotions.
I have said for the longest time that:
When I need help is the time I tend to build walls around myself, and shut those people out who care about me. However I could not keep this up for long.
Recently I was in the kitchen, and I started to cry, without warning, and I just couldn’t function. I had tried to cover everything up, not talking about how bad things had gotten, and I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. Luckily my mum was there, and we talked for a long time. I was so afraid to tell her how I felt, however she was so understanding and all she wanted to do was help. This made me realise how one very important thing.
From the very first moment I began struggling with my mental health, the people I could always turn to, have been my family. From my very first panic attack, to the every day struggles I have due to my mental health, they are always there to help me through. Even on the days where I felt like I had no one, and I had isolated myself so much that I was unreachable, my family were always there willing to support me in any ways they could. Sometimes they get it wrong (like mum being ridiculously cheery, or dad telling me just to move on), but most of the time they get it right.
So basically this post is a huge appreciation to the people (partially my family) who help me cope with my mental health, who are always there for me. There are also people outside of my family circle, without who I don’t know what I would do without. They are always there for me, no matter where they are in the world, or the time of day or night, and those people I cannot thank enough (you know who you are if you are reading this xxx) .
This post also serves as a reminder that you are never alone, no matter how alone you feel there is someone out there somewhere, who cares about you. Also it serves as a reminder that the people around you only want whats best for you, so no matter how had it is (I know its so difficult for me, and it can take a while) try to knock down the walls, not build them.
Love
E xxx
P.s. I am always here, and remember its ok, not to be ok xxxx
E's Journey 